So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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