i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
