Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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