Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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