Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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