I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
