now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
