Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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