Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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