So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
