Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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