i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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