Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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