Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
