I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
