I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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