im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
