I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
