"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
