My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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