he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Holy sore nipples Batman
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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