i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
