I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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