Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
