i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
