So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
