Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
