Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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