even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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