I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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