My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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