If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
