I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
