that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
