Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
