And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You pole danced in your parka.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
