i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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