I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
