They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
