I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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