Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
