I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
