she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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