When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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