you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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