I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
