He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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