Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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