Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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