You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
