i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
