I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
