my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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