Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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