I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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