oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
