'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
