u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
