He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
