I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize