my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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