chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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