Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
