meet me or not, i'm out of control
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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