So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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