i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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