i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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