you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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