He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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